If there’s one thing I see all the time in my work with anxiety, it’s that people aren’t just worried about what may or may not happen. They’re uncomfortable not knowing what’s going to happen.
And honestly, that makes sense. We’re used to getting answers quickly. You can track a package down to the minute, check traffic before you leave the house, or look up just about anything in seconds. So, when there isn’t a clear answer, when you’re stuck waiting or guessing, your brain starts trying to fill in the blanks.
The problem is, it doesn’t usually fill them in with anything reassuring.
Think about how often this shows up in regular, everyday moments. You take a test and have to wait a few days to get your grade back. Your boss sends a message asking to meet, but doesn’t say why. You walk away from a conversation and start wondering if you said something off. You send a message and don’t hear back for hours. You’re waiting to hear if you got the job.
None of these situations are necessarily bad. But they all leave room for interpretation, and that space is where anxiety tends to grow.
I was talking with someone recently who had a pretty typical performance review. Overall positive, a few suggestions for improvement, nothing out of the ordinary. But later that day, their mind kept going back to it. They started wondering if the feedback meant more than it actually did. Maybe their boss wasn’t happy. Maybe this was a sign of something bigger.
They knew that might not be true, but not knowing for sure felt uncomfortable, and that discomfort kept the thoughts going.
That’s usually the part that hooks people. It’s not just the situation itself; it’s the uncertainty around it. And most of us, without really thinking about it, start doing things to try to get rid of that feeling. We replay conversations, check for updates, ask for reassurance, or try to mentally solve something that doesn’t actually have an answer yet.
It works for a moment. Then the doubt comes back, and the cycle repeats.
Over time, this can train your brain to believe that uncertainty is something you need to fix right away. But in reality, uncertainty is part of daily life, and trying to eliminate it usually just creates more anxiety.
A more helpful approach is learning how to tolerate it. Not perfectly, and not all at once, but gradually.
Here are a few ways to start:
- Notice when you’re trying to “figure it out.” Sometimes the question in your head doesn’t actually have an answer right now
- Give yourself a pause before checking or asking. You don’t have to act on the urge immediately
- Name what’s happening. Even saying to yourself, “I’m feeling uncomfortable because I don’t know,” can take some of the intensity down
- Keep more than one possibility in mind. Your brain tends to jump to the worst one and treat it like fact
- Shift back to the present. What actually needs your attention right now
These aren’t quick fixes. They’re small ways of building tolerance, and that takes repetition.
What tends to change over time is not that uncertainty disappears, but that it feels less urgent. You don’t feel as pulled to solve it right away, and you start to trust that you can handle whatever comes, when it comes.
I often say the goal isn’t to feel certain all the time. That’s not realistic. The goal is to feel more comfortable being uncertain, and more confident in your ability to deal with things as they unfold.
Uncertainty is woven into so many parts of life. Waiting for results, making decisions, navigating relationships, and thinking about the future are always going to be there in some form. But when you stop treating it like a problem that needs to be solved immediately, it tends to lose some of its power.
And that’s usually where people start to feel a little more at ease.
Dr. Francine Rosenberg is the Managing Partner of Morris Psychological Group and a licensed clinical psychologist who provides cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to children, adolescents, and adults in Morris County and throughout northern New Jersey. With over 20 years of clinical experience, she specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
