Your kids and teens are safely tucked in bed or in their rooms, but are they really home? Many of our children and teens often are still contacting their friends and unknown sites on the internet. Do you really know what they are doing, who are they talking to, and what they are viewing in video and pictures? These are questions that parents often deal with when trying to give their children some independence, while also setting rules for what’s acceptable for them to be doing on their PCs and devices. However, even our 6 to 9 year-olds may make their way into scary places and then try to delete it for fear of embarrassment, shame, or getting into some kind of trouble. So what is our role as parents? Do we feel we shouldn’t stick our noses into everything that our children are doing? Where do we draw the line when our kids want some independence?
Knowing what your kids are up to on the Internet or the content of their texting is really important. We should not feel guilty when we “spy” on our children; we are trying to keep them safe. Many times our children are solicited by individuals or sent emails that look for someone “to take the bait.” These are usually intended to seduce our children into the world of pornography, sex, and online dating in a way that is secretive. Statistically, less than 1% of our children will ever come across an actual sexual predator online. However, unsolicited pictures/videos, requests for disrobing, and other sexual acts are much more prevalent. Teaching your kids about Internet safety is great, but most of the time children think they know enough and “parents are dumb.” It is up to parents to check their children’s phone messages, texts, pictures, posts and all Internet activity at random. This is not to say that we don’t trust our children. It is the other people and things out there that we shouldn’t trust. One mistake many parents make is to let their children go to sleep charging their devices in their rooms. It is a dangerous time as children often wait for parents to go to sleep or pretend to be asleep and continue to chat, text or search online.
Telling your children that you will be randomly checking texts, deletions, and posts is important. It’s not a matter of trust, but safety. Unfortunately, there are many ways for children to get around showing their internet history and chats. Quite often, friends or people on the Internet teach children methods to hide the inappropriate activity. Apps that disguise photo and video files as innocuous calculator apps or games have been designed for such purposes. Fortunately, there are numerous programs available to parents that mirror your child’s activity, and stream it right to your computer or device whether they delete the information or not. This includes apps that regularly delete content such a Snapchat, where kids think that it’s safe to post inappropriate things because they will automatically be deleted within a matter of seconds. Trouble comes, however, when other kids or people on the receiving end take a screenshot of the photo or video and then load it to the Internet, where it can exist forever.
Having open conversations about the risks and dangers on the Internet very important. It is essential that we communicate to our children that as loving and concerned parents, we will be monitoring their activities. As a rule of thumb, for children under the age of 14, telling them that anything grandma would find inappropriate is not acceptable to be posting or searching for on the internet. For those 14 and older, you need to be explicit about what is acceptable and what is not.
What parents don’t realize is that their kids can send and receive messages and engage in full video conferencing on mobile devices and game consoles all from the comfort of their bedroom, even when there are passwords on Wi-Fi or their Internet. Some children are swapping SD cards to share videos and enter internet sites where they don’t belong. Much like it’s a good idea for parents to have basic skills in first aid, it makes sense to have basic skills on computer and Internet use to keep our families safe. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents to learn first-hand about technologies such as Facebook and Minecraft, an online game in which kids interact, and let your kids know you will be checking on their online behavior.
As a psychologist who specializes in treating children and adolescents with online addictions, I have often seen how dangerous the Internet and texting can be. My work with victims of abuse, as well as people who have sexual addictions, has provided me with a unique understanding of how opportunities for predation can and do occur. It is much like leaving your front door ajar. Most people won’t enter, but the ones who do enter unannounced are the ones we have to watch out for. Having open family communication, educating yourself on basic Internet safety, and implementing safety methods are the best ways to help to keep your family safe from harm.
