Can you believe how time flies? You now have a high school senior who finally made it through the challenges of junior year. They’ve dealt with SATs, college visits, the application process, and final decision-making regarding which college they will attend in the fall. It should be smooth sailing from now until departure. But if your child has struggled with mental health issues, you may be worried about them leaving home and navigating the college experience. How do you know if they are ready?
- Stability: The first question to consider is their current level of functioning and how long their symptoms have been well-managed. Have there been recent crises, hospitalizations, or suicidal ideation or behavior? Are they keeping their therapy appointments and independently taking medications as prescribed?
- Communication: To feel comfortable that they will be successful and safe, consider their communication patterns. Have they been sharing their feelings and concerns about going away to college? Are you confident they will share worries, wants, or needs with you and their therapist when they are away? Are they willing to commit to regular check-ins despite a desire for independence?
- Support: Your child must have access to regular mental health services while away at school. They may be able to continue seeing their current therapist virtually, but if that is not possible or advisable, you must ensure services are available and readily accessible. Some schools provide a limited number of sessions at their mental health center because of high demand. If this is the case, arranging for outside therapy is recommended. If they have a medication provider, will that person continue to work with them remotely, or do you need to explore local options? If needed, help your child connect to disability services to get accommodations.
- Life Skills: Consider the skills necessary to live independently and be successful in a college environment. Is your child able to engage in effective problem-solving without you? How do they fare with time management? Are they adept at recognizing the beginning of a decline in functioning? Can they ask for help when needed and reach out to professors, RAs, mental health providers, friends, and you if they are having difficulties? If there are safety concerns, discuss the specific course of action to take if they have suicidal thoughts.
- Consult Mental Health Professionals: Seek input from your child’s mental health providers about their readiness to function well in the new environment. This will require your child’s consent and may be best accomplished together, but can help provide important information.
- Listen: Whatever you may be thinking, it is essential you listen to your child. If they truly are not feeling ready or safe, consider alternatives. Maybe it would make sense to attend a local college first, with the option to transfer to the chosen school in the future. Another option would be to take a gap year to work on mental health issues and readiness skills. The latter might include some short-term experiences with being away from home and functioning more independently.
It is normal for parents and teens to experience some anxiety about the transition to college, especially if there have been ongoing psychological issues. The summer can be an opportunity to make necessary arrangements for mental health care and other supports at school, discuss the importance of communication, and brush up on skills that might cause added stress, such as how to do laundry or reach out to a roommate. Resist projecting your own anxiety onto your child.
Assuming the choice is to move forward with the plan, remind them of their strengths and the available support and that you are only a text or phone call away.
Dr. Jayne Schachter is a clinical psychologist with more than 30 years of experience working with children, adolescents, adults, and families. She provides cognitive-behavioral treatment through individual psychotherapy, parent counseling, and group therapy. Her areas of expertise include (but are not limited to) the evaluation and treatment of anxiety disorders, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, behavior problems, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, effects of divorce, toileting issues, gender identity concerns, and coping with medical illness.
